if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
