I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize