There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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