God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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