Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize