The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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