So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
