I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
