Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just high enough for therapy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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