Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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