Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
