I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
