non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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