Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
