Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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