I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
