i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
