He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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