Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
