I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
