she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
