im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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