When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
