In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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