The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
