I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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