I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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