I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why are your pants in the freezer?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
