my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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