I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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