Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
