Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The best revenge is premature balding
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
