is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
