I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
