This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
