I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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