I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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