I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
