Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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