I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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