I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
