I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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