so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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