dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
