i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
