he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize