the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
People in love make me want to vomit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
