Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
