HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
