My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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