Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
