Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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