Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
