Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
