the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
