Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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