these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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