Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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