I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
