Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
