i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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