:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
