God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When did angry sex become our thing?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize